Ep 44: Danger, Will Robinson!

Listen to this episode here!

A Hidden Danger

When I was in my twenties, I was approached by an elder of our large, growing non-denominational Bible church to help him start a new company funded by an angel investor.  I was thrilled and excited to be recognized by a leader in our mega-church as a potential business executive, so I agreed to work for him as the #2 person in this new organization.

And the first few years were amazing – a wonderful adventure.  I discovered I had a knack for business, and my new boss, the elder who recruited me, poured himself into my professional development.

And over time, we became very close.  I began to think of him as a father-type figure, and he told me more than once that he thought of me like a son.  He mentored, guided, and trained me to become an effective and thoughtful executive, and the company took off.  In just a few short years, we had grown into a scrappy and respected firm, bringing in new business and new staff at a rapid pace.

A few years in, we negotiated a deal to buy the company from the original angel investor.  So, we formed a coalition of staff and some other folks and began working on the transaction.  It was an enormous amount of effort and about a year’s worth of time, but all of the blood, sweat, and tears paid off.  One day, we went from being employees to partners, and now we are the owners of a young and vibrant company with a bright future.

The day after the buyout closed, my boss called me into his office.  I was expecting him to join the rest of us in celebrating the buyout and planning for the future, but instead, he sat me down and spent the next hour and a half berating, criticizing, and questioning my character.  He had written a list of 15-20 things about me he found deeply concerning, and he went through it one by one, accusing me of various wrongdoings, some of which suggested I was a conniving, underhanded person.

I was stunned, heartbroken, and deeply confused.  He had never given me a negative performance review, and he had never spoken to me this way before.  And I was baffled why he would choose the day after our greatest corporate success to “take me to the woodshed.”

Candidly, four or five of the things of which he accused me had some truth to them.  There were some things I had done or said that should have been corrected.  There were some things in my work life that I could improve.  But the rest of his list was a mystery to me.  And some of his accusations were downright bizarre, including some things that didn’t even involve work.

But, as a young man eager to please his mentor, I took some time to think through all his accusations. I came back to him a few days later, apologized for things I had and hadn’t done, and asked him to work with me to help me improve.  I desperately wanted his approval and was mortified that I had failed him so deeply, especially during a time that should have been so joyful.

However, the next few years brought more tension, more accusations, and a general sense of mistrust.  Whereas in the first few years it seemed I could do no wrong, all of a sudden, I could do no right.  And I began to slowly accept the inevitable – my relationship with my mentor, an elder in our church, and a close fatherly friend, was not going to recover. And I couldn’t even put my finger on a good reason why.

Exhausted, disillusioned, and bewildered, we negotiated my departure while barely escaping a legal battle.  In the process, my wife and I lost several good friends, and our reputation at church was damaged. We were now outsiders in more ways than one. In an act of mercy, God eventually led us out of the area.

It would take me several more years to see the situation clearly and to accept what had really happened.  My mentor had used me to get what he wanted – control of the company – and then he needed to get rid of me because, in his mind, I now posed a threat to his power.  Because he lacked the courage and evidence to just fire me, he instead decided it would be a death by a thousand cuts.  He would make me miserable and make me question myself so much that I would just leave. And I did.

I would eventually learn there are clinical terms for his tactics.

In our first few years together, his constant praise, his telling me I was like a son to him, his regular affirmation and encouragement, are what psychologists call “love bombing.”

Once we bought the company, he engaged in what’s known as “gaslighting,” which is making someone question reality by constantly switching the narrative, making misleading accusations, and bending the truth, leaving the victim bewildered and confused. The term comes from the 1944 movie “Gaslight,” in which a husband makes his wife go insane by manipulating her.

I finally concluded that I had been targeted, groomed, used, and then discarded by a narcissist.

I wish I could tell you this was the only time I’ve experienced the impact of narcissism.

However, I’ve worked for more than one Narcissist, worked with several of them, and unfortunately, have hired my fair share of them over my career.  And my inability to properly diagnose and handle narcissists has caused me and my family substantial professional, reputational, and personal harm. Hopefully, by now, I’ve become more discerning.  Hopefully.

By the way, every narcissistic boss, co-worker, or employee with whom I’ve engaged has claimed to be a committed Christian.

And so, we come to our last topic regarding our third element of formation, community, with a note of caution. If there’s one thing that will destroy your community from the inside out, it’s a narcissist.  And so, learning to recognize them and how to relate to them is essential as we seek to build and foster healthy five-element communities.

What is a Narcissist?

Let’s start by defining who we’re talking about.  According to counselor, pastor, and professor Chuck DeGroat, the word narcissist is derived from a Greek word meaning “numb.”  It refers to:

“…someone who has been robbed of a God-given desire to live for and love others, instead, he is turned inward and enamored by his own image.  A narcissist, in other words, is a self-worshipper, numb to his or her deepest desire to love and be loved by God.”[1]

Clinical psychologist Dr. Jim Wilder notes, “Narcissists can affirm whatever makes them look good. With their brains in non-relational mode, narcissists do not share the pain others feel and so have no guilt and will justify whatever it takes to make others lose.”

“Narcissists punish rather than love those who do not treat the narcissist ‘right.’”[2]

We all have narcissistic moments, of course, when we lack empathy or when we struggle with insecurity. But a diagnosable narcissist is someone who’s pathologically unable to empathize and will work towards his or her own interests regardless of who’s wounded in the process. They’re apparently incapable of genuine repentance because repentance requires us to acknowledge, embrace, and accept our own wrongdoings and the impact that has on others.

Narcissists can be extraordinarily devious yet never see it in themselves.

Steve Jobs was famous for creating his own perspective of reality – they called it his “reality distortion field.”  This is the way of the Narcissist – she creates her own version of reality. And anyone who doesn’t accept that version is eventually punished.

There are various types of narcissists, and we won’t cover them all today.

There’s the grandiose type, which is what many people think of when they picture a narcissist.  They’re loud, brash, condescending, and give the appearance of substantial confidence, despite the fact that they’re deeply insecure. Throw a dart at a wall filled with pictures of national politicians or Hollywood actors, and there’s a good chance you’ll hit a grandiose narcissist.

The covert narcissist is much trickier to identify.  Debbie Mirza writes,

“Covert narcissists will often have careers that are impressive.  They can be pastors, spiritual leaders, therapists, and heads of non-profit organizations.  They can be politicians who are charming, look you right in the eye, and really seem to care. Coverts do have a grandiose sense of self, are preoccupied with fantasies of power, require excessive admiration, but they hide these attributes so people will like and trust them.

They know if they are obvious about their self-absorbed traits, people won’t like them. They believe they are “special” and entitled, but they know it would turn people off if they let that be known. They know they must appear humble to be liked and revered. They know how to play people and charm them. They are master manipulators. They don’t have empathy but have learned how to act empathetically…They have people around them who adore them, respect them, see them as special and almost perfect, and in some cases seem to worship them.”[3]

Most of the narcissists I’ve known and worked with are covert.  They can be extremely hard to identify, and they tend to be very well-liked and popular. They may lie dormant for months or even years, only to begin their punishment when it’s safe and advantageous for them.  And when they do, their victims are usually the ones who look like they’re nuts.

Narcissistic Behaviors

Narcissists use all sorts of techniques to ingratiate themselves with whomever they’ve targeted.

We’ve already talked about love-bombing – that’s when they use compliments, encouragement, and affirmation to cultivate trust.  Narcissists are deeply, deeply insecure people, so they will often love-bomb someone who is legitimately confident, only to turn on them when the object of their affection does something to disappoint the narcissist.

When they’re preparing to punish someone, they’ll sometimes “army-build,” gathering people around them who are easily manipulated into whatever they’re planning.  Followers of narcissists are, believe it or not, called “flying monkeys,” which is a reference to the Wicked Witch’s minions in The Wizard of Oz.

Narcissists will triangulate and project on their victims. They’ll accuse you of things of which they’re guilty. They’re amazingly effective at playing the victim themselves.

And then there’s the gaslighting.  I worked for several years with one narcissist and, as I began to catch on to his disorder, could sense when he would gaslight me.

At one point, we needed to move some offices and people around due to some expansion. Knowing he was deeply insecure, I asked him several times where he wanted his office to be, but he kept saying he didn’t care. But sure enough, once the new office layout was complete, he complained to other staff about me, that the office he was given didn’t reflect his importance and value to the organization, as if our initial conversations had never happened.

If you’ve ever dealt with a narcissist and been aware of it, this is all familiar territory to you.

Narcissists in Christian Communities

And chances are, if you’ve ever been in a church, you’ve come across some narcissists. In fact, many narcissists target Christian communities because of the somewhat inherent trusting nature of many Christians.

They feed off what’s known as “narcissistic supply,” such as constant attention, a need to be needed, regular affirmation, the ability to control others, frequent praise, and a place where they can accumulate power. For better or for worse, many Christian communities and organizations have these “energy sources” readily available.

And narcissism certainly isn’t constrained to laypeople.

According to Dr. Jim Wilder, “A 2015 study estimated that between 96,300 and 112,350 churches in the USA currently have a narcissistic pastor.  Virtually all Christians will experience a narcissistic pastor in their lifetime.  These extraordinarily high levels can only be explained if churches actively seek, support, sustain, promote, and propagate narcissistic leaders.”

He goes on, “To a very significant extent, Christian churches are unable to recognize personality disorders and may even find these disorders desirable in leaders.  If, as one study suggests, 30%-90% of churches in the West are run by narcissists, we should not be surprised that these churches cannot correct the problem.”[4]

Having spent about half of my career in para-church Christian ministry, I’ve finally begun to learn to spot narcissistic traits in Christian leaders. Took me long enough.  Many of these leaders are exceptionally careful about their reputations, but a careless word here or there will eventually reveal their hearts.

A few years ago, I was having lunch with the pastor of a large Christian organization, and his highly controlling nature suggested some deep insecurities, if not narcissistic traits.

Wondering just how deep the insecurities ran, I basically tested him. I said, “I’ve gotten to know several of your key staff.  They’re really incredible, and they seem deeply loyal to you.”

Without carefully thinking through his reply, he said, “That’s good. And if you hear anything different, you let me know.” A narcissist leader usually demands personal loyalty, whether or not it’s warranted.

Part of our hesitancy in dealing with narcissism is just having the courage to recognize it and call it what it is – a pathological predatory disorder.  For some reason, some of us desperately want to think that everyone who calls themselves a Christian really wants to be like Jesus, really has our best interests at heart, and must be a person of great character if they show up to church, raise their hands in worship, and seem really nice.

The Three Fools

In his book, Toughest People to Love, Chuck DeGroat identifies three types of fools outlined in the Bible: the Simple Fool, the Self-Consumed Fool, and the Sinister Fool.

The simple fool is just ignorant of themselves and others – they aren’t sure how to grow in wisdom.  They may not be particularly socially conscious or empathetic, but it isn’t because they’re selfish or narcissistic. They just need someone to guide them.

Then there’s the self-consumed fool.  This is someone who manipulates others to serve their own interests.  The self-consumed fool may well be a narcissist.  They may be aware of how they’re treating people, but they don’t really care.  They have very little insight into their own hearts because of their deep insecurities, and they can be extremely difficult to love.

Then there’s the sinister fool.  DeGroat writes about an experience he had with this type of fool:

 “In my early years as a therapist, I encountered a man whose Christian reputation seemed impeccable, but who scared the daylights out of…me.  He seemed to prey on everyone’s insecurities. He’d quote the Bible with razor-sharp acuity yet twist its message to undermine and humiliate.  After a session in which I confronted a particularly aggressive outburst from him, he e-mailed me with some of the most rationally clear but relationally twisted and condescending words I’d ever heard.”[5]

Obviously, this self-professed Christian was a narcissist, and a particularly dangerous and evil one at that.

Connecting to Episode 9

There are some parallels between the three types of fools and the three categories of people we talked about all the way back in Episode 9: the garden variety sinner, wicked people, and evil people.

A simple fool may just be a garden-variety sinner who lacks some common sense and emotional sensitivity.  They may hurt and offend some people, but not because they’re trying to. They just need gentle coaching.

The wicked person from Episode 9 bears a lot of resemblance to the selfish fool.  If you cross them or become a threat to their reputation, they may make your life miserable and work to ruin you.

The evil person looks a lot like the sinister fool. They take pleasure in harming and wounding others, and specifically look for opportunities to do so.  They’re energized by destroying others and have a profound addiction to power.

For my part, I’ve been the simple fool at times, and certainly thought about acting like a wicked person on some occasions. And I’ve worked closely with and been in relationships with both selfish and sinister fools.

One of the friendliest, most engaging, most energetic, and popular people I’ve ever known turned out to be a selfish or even sinister fool.  Profoundly addicted to power and praise, deeply controlling, highly manipulative, I naively invited him into my world and then realized too late that he was systematically dismantling it.  And he was successful.

And throughout, he was participating in Bible studies and prayer meetings, encouraging and affirming those around him. To the untrained eye, he looked every part the loving, Christian leader.

Narcissism in the Bible

We find Narcissists throughout the Bible.

In the Old Testament, there’s Jezebel, a powerful example of a sinister narcissist. And her husband wasn’t exactly a saint either.  Jezebel took pleasure in manipulating and destroying people.

Then there’s Nabal, who was Abigail’s husband before David came along.  His name actually means “fool.” We find his story in 1 Samuel 25.

Several kings and pharaohs were narcissists, people like Saul and Nebuchadnezzar. The Pharaoh in Exodus is considered one of the most evil, narcissistic men in the Old Testament, and Moses had quite a tumultuous time dealing with him.

The case has been made that many of the Pharisees and religious leaders during Jesus’ life on earth were narcissists.  Men who were hungry for power, unwilling to repent, willing to destroy lives in order maintain their control and authority.  These would be both self-consumed and sinister narcissists.

And though the command to “love our neighbor” frequently gets oversimplified in the church today, we see that Jesus dealt with these three types of people differently.

To the garden-variety sinner, He often extended extraordinary mercy and kindness.  To the wicked person, He was shrewd, coy, and sometimes evasive.  To the sinister person, Jesus was sometimes downright blunt and harsh.  He used them as object lessons to show other people who to avoid and ignore.

The way Jesus handled different people is often lost in today’s church, where we hear about the fruits of the Spirit with some regularity, while we somehow ignore passages in Proverbs, the Gospels, and the Epistles that encourage us to be wise, to protect our hearts, and to even avoid some types of people because of their wickedness.

Proverbs 23 says:

“Do not eat the bread of a selfish man,

Or desire his delicacies;

For as he thinks within himself, so he is.

He says to you, “Eat and drink!”

But his heart is not with you.

You will vomit up the morsel you have eaten,

And waste your compliments.”[6]

Seems like “loving our neighbor” may involve some discernment, some nuance, some shrewd thinking, and careful relationship skills.

Which brings us to a pivotal question: if every single human being is an image bearer of God, who therefore deserves being treated as such, how do we handle a narcissist who is part of our community?

Relating to the Narcissist

If you’ve ever dealt with, lived with, worked with, been in a relationship with, or even married a narcissist, you know the pain, heartache, and misery that comes along with it. To be uncomfortably candid, I’ve often questioned whether a narcissist can actually be redeemed.

Though the modern church is apparently highly populated with narcissists, if one of their primary characteristics is the inability to repent, how can they be Christians? Can a predatory person who is unable to experience genuine empathy become a person of empathy?

Though I’ve not personally experienced it, the answer is still yes.

Jim Wilder writes, “Transformation is never as clear as when a predator becomes a protector or an enemy becomes a friend.  Many saints began life as narcissistic sociopaths.  These individuals were deadly or pleasure-seeking, self-justified and hardened.  St. Paul, St. Francis, St. Augustine, and St. Ignacious of Loyola were all harmful individuals before they were transformed.

The popular song, “Amazing Grace,” was written by a sociopathic slave trader.  John Newton was responsible for the torment, devastation and deaths of many slaves and families.”[7]

Obviously, not every predatory personality does or will change.  Most of the narcissists we noted in the Bible died as self-consumed or sinister narcissists.

Still, if we haven’t already, all of us will be in a relationship with a narcissist at some point, and that point may be in our ICFs.

So how do we relate to them with biblical wisdom and still cultivate a healthy, formative community?

Before we tackle that, I should note that virtually all of the reading and studying I’ve done on narcissism strongly suggests that the only way to deal with a narcissist is to stop dealing with them.  Leave the relationship. And there are times when that is completely appropriate and necessary.

If we start quoting Bible verses about turning the other cheek or suffering for the Kingdom without considering other passages about relational maturity, shrewdness, protecting ourselves, our hearts, and our loved ones, we’re not exercising genuine Biblical wisdom.

Loving a Narcissist?

But in the case where prayer and counsel suggest we be in a relationship with a narcissist, how might we love them?

The first step is to recognize them.  Any of the resources I’ve cited in this episode provides great insight into how to spot narcissistic tendencies.

In general, though, if you find yourself walking away from conversations with someone, wondering if you’ve gone crazy, or asking why the person keeps questioning your motives, or why the conversation always seems to center around the other person without regard for you, you’re probably in a relationship with a narcissist.  Covert narcissists are much harder to spot, but if you spend enough time with one and know the signs, you’ll pick up on them.

Second, in those very few resources I’ve explored that don’t automatically suggest leaving the narcissist, they agree on one thing: confronting a narcissist directly is a non-starter.  In fact, it’s unwise.

Psychologist Mark Ettensohn writes, “When you attempt to change someone’s negative behavior by treating them negatively, you only escalate an already bad situation.  This is especially true when it comes to narcissism because the person often feels that he or she has done nothing wrong in the first place. Your negative reaction actually reinforces the narcissist’s narrative of being a victim.”[8]

One-on-one conversations with narcissists about their behavior are almost wholly ineffective. Coverts will listen carefully to your comments and act empathetically, but will eventually make your concerns about you.

Dr. Wilder notes that even one-on-one engagement with trained professionals typically doesn’t work.

“Professional counselors achieve limited to no success with narcissists. Counseling schools often tell students not to accept narcissists as clients.”[9]

I’ve attempted to have direct conversations with narcissists and have a 0% success rate.  I’ve had friends with narcissistic spouses or relatives make the same mistake.  Attempting to intellectually or emotionally reason with a narcissist is a waste of time and is potentially damaging to yourself.

I spent several years trying to win over a narcissist I worked with, only to eventually realize my efforts at being vulnerable, forthright, emotional, and transparent were only giving him ammunition, narcissistic supply, and power.  In that case, I was the fool.  I thought we were working towards reconciliation.  Reconciliation had nothing to do with it.

This is why reading how Jesus dealt with narcissists is so important.  He gave very little of Himself to them, even as He asked His Father to forgive them.

Relating one-on-one with a narcissist involves prayer, some real wisdom, shrewdness, and careful thinking.  And attempting to help a narcissist see his or her deep insecurities and how it impacts others in direct conversation is generally a very bad idea.

So, once we learn to recognize narcissist traits and we accept that a one-on-one approach is probably a recipe for disaster, how do we love them?

Prayer is obviously a really good idea.  Prayer that God would supernaturally convert their hearts from being self-consumed to being consumed with God and the well-being of others.  That was certainly the case with the apostle Paul. Augustine apparently heard a child’s voice telling him to read the Scriptures. That led to the softening of his heart.  John Newton’s heart was changed through a near-death experience.  Sometimes prayer is the best or even only way we can love our narcissistic neighbor.

Loving the Narcissist in Community

In addition to prayer, a few Christian psychologists, neuroscientists, and counselors recommend the power of community.

Remember, neuroscientist Dr. Curt Thompson said, “Every baby comes into the world looking for someone who is looking for us. To have a conscious, embodied awareness of being known by God is a necessary feature of the life of loving God, and our awareness of being known by God is measured by the degree to which we are known by each other.”[10]

There’s a lot packed into his comment, and how it may relate to narcissism.  Is narcissism genetic?  Can we be predisposed to self-absorption and the inability to genuinely empathize?

Or is narcissism more influenced by our early childhood stories? If we come into this world desiring to be known by someone, but we’re emotionally, physically, or spiritually abandoned or abused by those who are supposed to seek our goodness, is narcissism a deeply rooted defense mechanism against further harm?

Remember, Chuck DeGroat defines a narcissist as “someone who has been robbed of a God-given desire to live for and love others.”  Robbed by whom?

In any event, what we’re concluding here is that the way to potentially transform the heart of a narcissist is similar to what we’ve been proposing and defending all season long on Soil & Roots – that our hearts are changed in a formative community.  That our hearts’ desires, ideas, and passions are not only or even primarily changed through instruction and information, but through relationship in community.

If a narcissist is a person whose heart wasn’t initially formed to seek the goodness of others because they themselves didn’t have a healthy attachment to caregivers, can their heart be changed by being in a community of people who have healthy attachments?  If a narcissist is a delusional, lost person who can’t even accept reality for what it is, can they be changed by being a part of a trained community that relates to them in “the real?”

In his book, The Pandora Problem, Dr. Wilder provides insight into how properly trained groups can gradually show, not tell, a narcissist what living with empathy looks like.  How being confessional and dealing with shame properly can be lived out.  How can we stay safe in a community while still seeking the goodness of others?

He writes, “When a group begins to exchange healthy shame messages, correct self-justification, and love their enemies, isolated narcissists will learn a better way or leave.”[11]

In other words, a healthy community helps to form a narcissist with loving, strong, life-giving relationships. The experience of being in a healthy community may well help the narcissist’s heart to soften as he becomes accustomed to proper transparency, identity, and confession.  Or it may not.

Dr. Wilder calls these types of groups “hesed” groups, which is the Hebrew word for lovingkindness, or love of neighbor.  Dr. Curt Thompson endorses a similar idea, which he calls “confessional communities.”

Both insist that narcissism can only be dealt with in groups, and groups specifically trained and molded in a strong identity of lovingkindness. It isn’t that a narcissist should be told who to be and what to do; they need to be shown who to be, over time, with consistency in a secure environment. Both authors give substantial guidance on how to do that in their books and resources.

This is a primary theme of Soil & Roots. That all of our hearts, narcissistic or not, are formed primarily in a community that embodies certain characteristics. That our desires, our ideas, our passions are normally formed through our relationships.  With God first, though understanding He often relates to us through other people.

This is why the combination of time, habit, community, intimacy, and instruction is so important.  Our hearts desperately need primarily communities that seek our goodness, embody lovingkindness, and consistently and patiently relate to us the way God does.  It’s not enough to be told.  We must experience it.

Tough episode today, especially if you have been or are in a relationship with a narcissist.  It’s hard for some Christians to accept that there are people in our churches and Christian communities who may legitimately be seeking to kill us – our reputations, our careers, our identity, our sanity.  That there are people professing Christ who are unable to repent, unable to feel empathy, and will do whatever it takes to preserve their own delusions at any cost and not feel a twinge of guilt about it.

Oftentimes, we don’t see narcissism because…we don’t want to see it.  We all struggle with it to some degree, but we recognize that, for others, it’s who they are. In a very real sense, a narcissist who has targeted you is your enemy, even if they’re sitting in church.

Yet Jesus calls us to love our enemies.  Sometimes we love a narcissist best by never speaking to them again.  Sometimes we love a narcissist by distancing the relationship and being careful and coy with what we say.

And, perhaps, some of us may love a narcissist by being in community with them, carefully and wisely showing them what empathy, confession, healthy shame, and acceptance really look like.  That she experiences what perhaps she never had – a group of people truly, genuinely looking for her.

Dealing with a narcissist is not for the faint of heart and involves substantial prayer, work, and training.  And the outcomes may be mixed. But loving someone doesn’t guarantee an outcome, so let’s be open to loving our neighbor, perhaps even the narcissist.

[1] DeGroat, C. (2014). Toughest People to Love (p. 49). William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company.

[2] Wilder, J. (2018). The Pandora Problem: Facing Narcissism in Leaders and Ourselves (pp 23-24). Deep Walk International.

[3] Mirza, D. (2017). The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist (p. 17). Safe Place Publishing.

[4] Wilder, J. (2018). The Pandora Problem: Facing Narcissism in Leaders and Ourselves (pp 16-17). Deep Walk International.

[5] DeGroat, C. (2014). Toughest People to Love (pp. 98-99). William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company.

[6] New American Standard Bible: 1995 update (Pr 23:6–8). (1995). The Lockman Foundation.

[7] Wilder, J. (2018). The Pandora Problem: Facing Narcissism in Leaders and Ourselves (p 19). Deep Walk International.

[8] Ettensohn, M, Psy. D. (2016). Unmasking Narcissism: A Guide to Understanding the Narcissist in Your Life (p. 41). Althea Press.

[9] Wilder, J. (2018). The Pandora Problem: Facing Narcissism in Leaders and Ourselves (p 23). Deep Walk International.

[10] Thompson, C. (2021). The Soul of Desire (p 21). InterVarsity Press.

[11] Wilder, J. (2018). The Pandora Problem: Facing Narcissism in Leaders and Ourselves (p 242). Deep Walk International.