Sharing Our Stories and Spiritual Formation
If you’re new and want to catch up, jump to the first post in this series and then move ahead at your own pace.
The Neverending Story
While it’s vital that we immerse ourselves in the experience of God’s story and His delight, desire, and passion for us as He dwells with us, there is another facet here worth exploring: the story of you. Your story isn’t separate from the story God is writing, of course, though it is unique.
I’m no scientist (I majored in classical piano, of all things), but I’m fascinated by the intersection of theology and neuroscience/neurobiology. In recent years, some brilliant people have explored recent advances in PTSD treatment, various cognitive and restorative therapies, and studies of how the brain operates in light of our understanding of God and faith.
This type of holistic approach to the human person is not always popular. Post-Enlightenment, science is supposedly the new and only source of truth. If we can’t validate it, it must not exist. And, at least according to some, science and religion don’t belong in the same room (or the same mind).
Additionally, some who follow Jesus don’t tolerate the idea that God can be found and experienced outside of the Bible and traditional Christian practices.
Years ago, I worked in a faith-based healthcare organization, and a Christian nurse was offended that I used data and analytics to draw conclusions about patient care.
“We only need prayer. God will tell us how best to care for people.”
I replied, “Ma’am, I’m not sure why God wouldn’t speak through data. If we believe that the earth is the Lord’s and all it contains, He might communicate using modern technology in addition to His still small voice.”
The conversation didn’t end well.
However, if we hold to the meta-narrative we outlined last week, God is in the business of inviting us to experience Him in a myriad of ways. Since He created and is redeeming the cosmos, we can likely find Him in neuroscience, business, or the arts.
Back to the Dilemma
If you’ve been reading Soil & Roots for a while, you may recall our discussions regarding the Discipleship Dilemma last year. The quest to know God more intimately also requires us to know ourselves. Our discipleship depends on increased self-awareness. This type of self-knowledge is not simply about facts. It is the quest to understand why we think, act, relate, and love how we do. And the answer to “why” is often found in our backstories.
This self-exploration is rarely permitted, taught, or modeled in modern Christianity; thus, the dilemma. Many are stuck in their spiritual formation because they feel shame, guilt, or selfishness at the prospect of digging into their hearts, though that is where Jesus often meets us.
This concept of “double knowledge” has been accepted and embraced for centuries (until recently), and modern neuroscience appears to be validating (unsurprisingly) this theological position.
A crucial element in greater self-knowledge is the truthful retelling of our stories.
Curt Thompson, a psychiatrist and author, writes:
As our minds develop, eventually we try to make sense of our lives. We take the input from our awareness of our conscious, vertical, horizontal and memory domains, and begin to tell our stories, with most of that content being nonverbal and nonconscious in nature. This narrative is highly influenced by our most intimate attachment relationships.
Elsewhere, he notes, “We can only change what we bring into awareness, and our stories—especially the ones we’d rather forget—hold the key to transformation.”
Our stories, particularly our painful moments, matter. Neglecting, ignoring, repressing, or “just moving on” from our past struggles without authentically relaying them is to deny ourselves healing and transformation—necessary steps forward in our discipleship.
However, it’s not that we tell our stories once. Or twice. It’s that we take the time to share our stories over and over again in healthy environments with a few people who are adept at listening.
This shouldn’t surprise us since God shares His story (most notably in both His books) and desires that we experience it repeatedly. We are reminded of the power of story every time we finish reading a book to our young children, and they insist we read it again. And again. And again.
PSTD treatment pioneer Bessel Van der Kolk notes, “As long as a memory is inaccessible, the mind is unable to change it. But as soon as a story starts being told, particularly if it is told repeatedly, it changes—the act of telling itself changes the tale.”
How does our story change simply by repeating it?
A Slow Saunter Towards Truthfulness
Repeated storytelling, in the right circumstances, allows the brain to slowly and surely come to grips with what is actually true. The heart’s acceptance of truth leads to freedom and peace.
Let’s take betrayal, for example. The victim of personal betrayal will often quickly conclude that they are entirely to blame for the betrayal. They will assume they deserve to be betrayed. Who wouldn’t? To conclude otherwise means the betrayer has ulterior, sinister motives, which leads the victim to question not one person but two. The heart can only handle so much.
But in most cases, the victim of betrayal is just that – the victim. And the heart’s journey from taking unhealthy responsibility to accepting the damaging role of the betrayer is often long, painful, and filled with ups and downs.
It’s one thing for the mind to conclude the betrayer may be partially or fully at fault. It’s another for the heart to catch up.
Many times, repeatedly telling the story is the best way for the heart to eventually give up its responsibility for the betrayal and place it where it belongs. The story changes, becoming more authentic and accurate as it is retold and responded to by compassionate listeners.
Back to Dr. Van der Kolk:
Finding words where words were absent before and, as a result, being able to share your deepest pain and deepest feelings with another human being… This is one of the most profound experiences we can have, and such resonance, in which hitherto unspoken words can be discovered, uttered, and received, is fundamental to healing the isolation of trauma—especially if other people in our lives have ignored or silenced us. Communicating fully is the opposite of being traumatized.
Van der Kolk teaches that expressing and processing traumatic memories through storytelling can actually rewire neural pathways, leading to improved mental health and well-being.
Storytelling Essential to Discipleship
Telling and retelling our stories as a means of spiritual formation and healing is accepted in just a few places today, primarily the counseling room and the support group.
This is a travesty, considering the obvious role God has designed for storytelling in the redemptive lives of humans. Over 40% of the Bible is narrative, and God’s story is intricately and marvelously woven through creation and culture. Our fascination and wonder with movies, books, and theater indicate the heart’s resonance with story.
Many of us live in cultures where progress, movement, and achievement are paramount in business and church. We live in the idea that we are constantly moving forward—looking backward is ignored or derided. Again, this is an odd set of assumptions considering the role the Bible plays in the lives of disciples. We embrace and absorb its history to develop greater intimacy with God, others, and ourselves.
I’m a huge fan of the Great Commission, though the instruction to “go” does not preclude or minimize the importance of slowly, gently, and intentionally resting in and exploring our backstories. Though modern culture perpetually tells us to “get over it,” the process of “getting over it” is best accomplished through a safe, secure, deliberate telling and retelling of the moments that have so powerfully formed who we are. It’s an essential part of the journey into who we are becoming. And it takes time, both ours and the time of the friends with whom we share.
