The Like of God
We’re seeking genuine, ongoing spiritual formation from the inside out. This isn’t self-help, self-worship, or “tweaking the edges” of our character or personality quirks.
If it seems like I’m spending a lot of time examining and exploring The Discipleship Dilemma, well… I am. The journey with Jesus into our hearts, into our profoundly ingrained thought patterns and habits, into our stories, is so often pushed to the side or derided that I’m making the case for it from several angles.
This week, I’m studying a book that strongly advocates self-forgetfulness. Followers of Jesus should turn themselves outward in service and support of others. And indeed, we should.
However, self-forgetfulness implies at least two conditions (which the book ignores). First, we need to know the self we intend to forget, and the process of knowing ourselves usually involves a journey inward before we journey outward.
The Discipleship Dilemma may well explain why many people encounter Jesus but struggle to move along the inner journey of becoming more like Him over time.
Author David Benner asks, “But if an encounter with divine love is really so transformational, how is it that so many of us have survived such encounters relatively unchanged?”
He then answers his own question, “The single most important thing I have learned in over thirty years of study of how love produces healing is that love is transformational only when it is received in vulnerability.
It is not the fact that being loved unconditionally that is life-changing. It is the risky experience of allowing myself to be loved unconditionally. Paradoxically, no one can change until they first accept themselves as they are. Self-deceptions and an absence of real vulnerability block any meaningful transformation.”
The phrase “accept themselves as they are” may raise red flags in some corners of Christianity. I’ve seen the memes: “Jesus doesn’t see us as we are, but as we could be.” “Jesus may love me where I am, but He doesn’t want me to stay here.”
I don’t think Benner uses the word “accept” to condone harmful patterns. He isn’t endorsing the modern rallying cry of “You do you!” This isn’t an inner search to demand that whatever we find there is good and true. Some of it is, some of it isn’t.
I think he’s endorsing the opposite. To do the hard work of exploring our hearts means we willingly and courageously acknowledge those parts of ourselves that are both light and dark. We peek into our hearts with God and a trusted friend, using our Eight Indicators (thought patterns, behaviors, emotions, health, relationships, words, and how we use time and money) and deal authentically with whatever we find.
And (this is so crucial) we accept God’s unconditional love regardless of what we discover. As Benner notes, “Daring to accept myself and receive love for who I am in my nakedness and vulnerability is the indispensable precondition for genuine transformation.”
I know, I know. “But isn’t the journey about moving forward, sinning less, and loving more?” Yes, it is. Just don’t miss the central point: any attempt to be formed without first embracing – without experiencing – God’s loving gaze and fondness for us in our present state will end in frustration and disillusionment.
Why? Because if we don’t allow ourselves to experience God’s delight in us now, in whatever condition we find our hearts, any effort we make to change will be driven by our performance.
Benner writes, “This is my false self – the self of my own making. This self can never be transformed, because it is never willing to receive love in vulnerability.”
Performance Anxiety
Performance-driven faith is one of the insidious drivers of The Discipleship Dilemma, and if you look carefully, you’ll find it all over modern Christianity.
A few years ago, I was invited to a conference hosted by a large Christian organization. They had developed their own brand of evangelism, including the requisite scripts and training program. Staff were strongly encouraged to track how often they shared the Gospel, though only the organization’s version was allowed. Sharing personal testimonies, using other evangelistic approaches, and failing to “close the deal” (asking someone to utter the rather odd modern-day “sinner’s prayer”) were disallowed.
At the end of the training session, the speaker passionately cried out, “If you get to heaven one day and have only led one or two people to the Lord, do you think Jesus will tell you, ‘Well done thou good and faithful servant’?”
I was mortified, though, as I glanced around the room, I seemed to be in the minority. Amid approving head nods, several of the younger people’s faces displayed fear – fear that their failure to sell Jesus effectively may result in God’s disapproval.
This legalist, fear-based approach to the faith drives a performance culture that aligns with the darker side of Western values. We count “decisions for Jesus,” baptisms, and attendance, and worry that if our numbers go down, so will our donations and public approval.
A friend drove for Uber for a while, and he told me the story of one of his clients. A passionate Christian woman got in the back seat of his car, and they started a conversation. Upon sharing that he has struggled on and off with depression, she forcefully replied, “Oh, don’t think like that! Depression has no place in the life of a Christian!”
I’m not sure how Charles Spurgeon or Mother Teresa would respond to that.
The Like of God
Here’s the problem with a performance-driven Christian culture: we only win God’s fondness if we look, act, and perform a certain way. Not sharing an evangelism script five times a week? Not good enough. Depressed? Not good enough. Skip church once in a while? Not good enough. Struggle with anger? Not good enough. And on and on.
If we spend too much time in this type of idea system, the last thing we’ll want to do is mine our hearts and deal authentically with ourselves and God. The last thing we’ll do is ask Jesus to meet us in the place where so many of our failures and disappointments lie.
We’re not good enough. That’s a given. But it’s also why God’s love is so different, so odd, so counter to what many of us experience as “love” from friends, co-workers, families, and communities. And it’s why genuine love from people is often so shocking and transformative.
This mining expedition into our hearts is hard enough. It takes courage, compassion, gentleness, kindness, transparency, and care. But if we fear that God will meet us there with a stern glance and a wagging finger, why bother?
That’s why experiencing and accepting God’s radical delight and fondness for us in our current state is essential to this inner journey.
God not only loves you. He likes you.
The First Step
There are many upside-down aspects of our king’s kingdom. One of them is that we become more like Jesus primarily through experiencing Jesus. That begs the question, “How do we experience Jesus?”
Theologians and philosophers have been exploring and debating that for centuries. One thing is for certain – allowing our inner selves to be seen, to be known, to be desired, to be held by God is a significant first step. And that requires a sometimes uncomfortable vulnerability to receive something and Someone that has nothing to do with our performance.
Then, we can begin exploring and better understanding our hearts as we seek to give to ourselves and others what has been so graciously and generously given to us.
